Does your mind get stuck on life’s small but shitty experiences?
Are you giving all your attention and emotional energy to that one negative response, mean comment or unpleasant interaction, whilst ignoring the positive experiences, you had today?
Are you like my colleague Sue who used to get really upset every time a parent ignored her, at school drop off, even if the other parents were friendly. She would spend the whole day talking about this one parent, and ruminating on all the times people have ignored her. She would become so stressed and angry she was unable to complete her work, and ended up with a migraine.
Or maybe you like cousin Shelly, who at a family lunch was in tears because of my Aunt Lee’s comment about her wobbly tummy. Despite being complimented on how good she was looking she continued to be miserable. She left early, and later messaged me to say she was at home crying into a bowl of ice -cream. When I asked her why, her response was, “I hate being so fat and ugly, my life sucks.”
Then there is John, who loves posting inspirational messages on facebook. But he always ends up deleting these posts, when he gets a negative comment. Negative comments sent him into a tailspin, and he stops posting on facebook for days afterwards.
If these responses sound familiar, then please know you are not alone.
Our brains although capable of extraordinary things, are also tricky and tend to stick to negative experiences as if they were made from Velcro. Positive experiences, on the other hand, tend to slide off us, as if our brain was made of Teflon.
This characteristic of our brain, to stick to negative experiences, is in part to how our ‘new brain’ capabilities of self awareness and imagination, sit on top of old unconscious emotional regulation systems. And when these new brain capabilities interact with old brain emotional system, in the face of negative experiences it leads to glitches.
These glitches can cause us to suffer. Sue suffered as she spent her entire day focused on that one parent, getting upset and ignoring the tasks she needs to complete. Shelly suffered as as she not only had a miserable family lunch, but went home and ended up being self critical. Suffering for John, who is not able to go forward with his objective of building an audience, because he keeps deleting his posts.
So how can we fix these glitches and prevent ourselves from suffering?
The answer to this problem lies in learning how to activate our brains built-in ‘master control switch’. When activated it can resolve many of these glitches automatically. Our emotional brain systems automatically react to negative experience, before our conscious brain is even aware of them. Once we become aware of the glitches, we can then choose to consciously switch activating our brains master switch, once activated it will: (1) soothe and calm distressed emotional and physiological states which have been activated automatically with a negative experience, (2) broaden our perspective and allow us to focus on the positive, (3) disconnect self criticism and blame, and instead connect to our inner wisdom, allowing us to change harmful thoughts into helpful ones, and (4) give us the courage to respond in a manner that is helpful to us and supports us in moving forward to our goals.
Do If you want to learn how to activate your brain’s master switch, when faced with a negative experience in your daily life or on social media?
If yes, please join me this February and March where I will be launching – FIVE STEPS TO GET UNSTUCK FROM THOSE SMALL BUT SHITTY LIFE EXPERIENCES – on the DYPU Members Platform.
This first workshop will be free to all DYPU Members, if you are not yet a member why not join on https://discoveryourpathu.com/?affiliates=a5771bce93e200c36f7cd9dfd0e5deaa
This workshop is broken up into three 60 min zoom sessions
Session 1: Understanding the Tricky Brain and why negative experiences stick like Velcro?
Session 2: The Five A’s, a five step approach that will help activate on your Brains Master Switch when faced with a negative experience.
Session 3: Practical Exercises to strengthen your brain Master Switch for faster ‘activation’.
In addition to the workshops, there will be a one on one training session with each participant, where I will help you to customize the 5 A’s approach to your unique Brain.
How will this workshop change your life? Well let me tell you about my friends who attended these face to face workshops, I held last year.
Sue is still ignored by the same parent, but now she can shift her attention and energy to the friendly parents. She still sometimes gets upset with how this one parent behaves, but can now soothe herself and arrive at work with an open, calm mind.
Shelly, no longer gets upset by Aunt Lee;s fat comments, she understands this is part of Aunt Lee’s makeup. At Christmas, instead of crying and being miserable she actually had the courage to stand up to Aunt Lee, and tell her that her ‘fat comment’ were inappropriate and came across as mean.
John, is no longer deleting his posts. He is able to stand back and see the negative comments from a broader perspective. He uses these comments, if appropriate, to help him to improve and grow his Facebook audience. When a comment does send him into a tailspin, he is able to come out relatively quickly, by activating on his brains masterswitch.
If you are interested in learning how to activate your Brain’s Master Switch and get unstuck from these small but shitty negative experiences, come join us at the – FIVE STEPS TO GET UNSTUCK FROM THOSE SMALL BUT SHITTY LIFE EXPERIENCES – workshop.
About Sarah Roos
I am a human Resource and organizational change expert, a trauma counselor, and now a neurocoach.
I am also a Mom, Wife, friend, lover of kitty cats, and most importantly a human with its flaws, struggles, and needs.
I am passionate about understanding the mind from a neuroscience, evolutionary psychology, cognitive and sensory perspective; and knowing how I can control it instead of it controlling me.
My purpose is to share This wisdom use this knowledge to help people develop the courage, strength , resilience, wisdom and compassion to deal with and overcome the difficulties of being human.