find your tribe, friends, family, colleagues, you are the average of the people you spend time with, investing your time, building relationships

Finding your Tribe

by Beth Gray, DiscoverYourPathU

You will hear over and over that we become the average of the five or six people that we spend the most of our time with. 

Finding your tribe matters!

Finding your Tribe. "Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one." -- Jane Howard, Margaret Mead

It will make or break you.  Personally, Professionally. Emotionally. Even spiritually.

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”
— Jane Howard, Margaret Mead

We all yearn for connection and belonging: supporting people that will encourage you to be your best self!

So, is it any wonder that when we start to grow, and we find ourselves outgrowing the group of people that we know and love, we get cold feet.  Growing beyond our comfort zone — the one that we currently have — sometimes means that we outgrow the friends and relationships we have known so far on life’s journey.

We need Connection

But as human beings, we yearn for connection – to be seen, heard and understood.  We want to feel kinship, with people tht we are comfortable to be around.  A group of people that you can talk to about your daily triumphs and struggles.

So, you may be looking for a group of people in which you can build a sense of purpose and support others, as well as receive support.  And so you should.

We become like the people that we (choose to) expose ourselves to. It follows that you can accelerate your personal growth in whatever direction you desire by spending time with people who already are who you want to become.

Maarten van Doorn

How to find and connect with your Tribe

It all starts, and ends, with knowing yourself. While you may believe that in order to find your tribe, you are looking for other people, this journey is really about finding yourself – where you are right now.

What you are really looking for is that group of people that will accept you as you are right now.  But – where are you right now?

What level are you at?

What level are you looking to now reach as you grow?

Knowing what you want to attract

When you are looking for your tribe, you need to consider “What do I want to attract?”.  Finding your tribe is not about changing to fit in – but rather knowing that you can find where you fit!

What type of people do you need to have in your life – what are the qualities and values that you hold important – that you would like to share?  Your individual identity – who you are – will determine how you attract that tribe!

For example – are you interested in growing your spiritual connection? Or do you want to simply grow in your emotional intelligence?   Are you looking to change your mindset and learn new ways of processing information?

When you get clarity on what you are looking for – your interests and values – then you will find your tribe.


Once you know who you are, who you are becoming and growing into being, then you can be more intentional in finding your tribe.  You can consider who you want to be influenced by — and who you want to touch and influence.

Consider this:  if you surround yourself with needy people (people who need you) what will you become?  Eventually, you may find that you have become needy.  While it is all fine and well to help others, are those the people that you want to have as your inner circle – influencing you?

Or do you want to have a tribe of strong and giving people that supports you as you then reach out and help others that are needy?

Choose and commit to a path – looking for people that can also challenge and stretch you.  You may have to intentionally move out of your comfort zone, grow even – to feel that you fit with your new tribe.  But this tribe will no doubt be individually, as well as collectively, committed to personal growth and evolution.  They will be the first to cheer you on!

The beauty of this is that you take your personal growth with you!  You get the benefit of the change and growth!

Different tribes for different needs

You may also discover that you need different tribes for different needs. It’s perfectly okay to have a different group of people for your art as for your professional growth.  They may not be the same people!  Likewise, you might find that your spiritual friends are different from your literary friends or your business growth support network.

On the other hand – perhaps having this diversity in a group will work perfectly well.  You may discover that while you are all special – you are not so special!  Beneath the veneer and exteriors, we are all alike!

At the end of the day, only you can decide what you need from finding your tribe!

Just remember, you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

About Beth

DiscoverYourPathU LLC Board of Directors - Beth gray, Secretary & Legal Cousel

Beth Gray is our Secretary and Legal Counsel at DYPU and also our resident and prolific blogger!

She speaks on various panels, including ‘Divine Shenanigans’, ‘Ditch the Diet and Face the Feelings’ as well as being well-respected Ho’oponopono Coach.

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